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I crave anonymity

 There is nothing to be gained from familiarity with human beings. I got married some time ago and I spend most of marriage sleeping on my own. A decade of sleeping in your own room is a long time to spend on your own when there is nothing wrong. I know something is wrong. I know I'm having the wool pulled over my eyes and frankly I'm just tired. I have spent too much time and energy trying to prove I also deserve it but it's my frustration that is the apparent cause. My frustration of being ignored, of being sacrificed. I try very hard every day to just not pay attention because the thought of it makes my blood boil. Even now, I am struggling to write this. I wish I had less stupidity. 
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You are herd.

 Ever reach a point where you're just tired? I'm not talking about the kind of tired that a good night's rest will fix but the kind of tired where it's been so long that you can't remember not feeling tired. The kind of tired where you are genuinely disappointed with waking up and it feels like you just napped for a 20 minutes.  Most people in my age group probably feel this way. Too many late nights. Too many I will catch up on the weekend. Too many, if we just persist, things will get better.  I'm exhausted. There's nothing I would like to do more than flatten out on a bed and wake up when I wake up. No alarms, none of that semi-sleep waiting for the phone to ring, none of that just in case anticipation? I pine for that to be honest. The sleep of my childhood. Which I know is impossible. Yearning for a period when I had less to do is not maturity or productive.  I often sit and think, what is it that I really want? What is it that I need that will leave me...
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